How to Be a Better (White) Person
After a semester full of racially exhausting classroom conversations and micro-aggressions left and right, I’m thinking a lot lately about how good, well-intentioned white people can actually be good well-intentioned white people in real life and not just on their social media feed. I wrote a similar article called How My Friends Can Be Better White Allies a while ago but I’m writing another, without the term ally because a) you’re just being a good person, and b) allyship is often utilized as an empty symbol by White people to validate and elevate their own status as “woke” White people to other white people (we’ll get to “woke” in a minute too). So… what new thoughts do I have now?
1. Don’t let racial issues/concerns get brushed under the rug. When a colleague mentions a racial issue, topic or question in a staff meeting or board meeting, show those in charge the concern is collective. Assertively request that the topic, issue or question NOT be relegated to an optional end of the year workshop or shuffled onto a “to do” list that never sees the light of day. Speak up and express your disapproval of moving on before your peer or coworker’s contribution is adequately addressed in the moment or a reasonable action plan is presented. Follow up with the director in email and in person to show that this is not a black person issue but a workplace, classroom, community issue.
2. Avoid empty platitudes. “You can do it.” “Such is life". Some days I can’t do it. I physically, emotionally, mentally can’t do it. I had a breakdown this semester after a grueling class conversation about cultural appropriation and I can guarantee you the hyperventilation after biting my tongue and saying “That’s interesting” after racist comment after racist comment for an hour made me physically sick to my stomach. That day I skipped my own classes because I could. not. do it. Such is life. Such is life of some, not all. Such is the life I wake up and fall asleep to. If you feel the need to say something, hesitant. Re-evaluate. Listen. Then speak. Some of the most meaningful text messages or voice messages I’ve received from my white friends have simply said, “I’m sorry. I hear you, I see you, I appreciate who you are. Let me know if I can do anything for you today.”
3. Avoid over-sharing about racism on social media. The more you share about the plights of BIPOC (Black and Indigenous People/People of Color) in your own words the more people look at you, elevate you, applaud you. Share information, articles, statistics and media by BIPOC and avoid self-righteous diatribes. Cultivate a platform where your voice is secondary to the voices of those with the actual experience.
4. Cut off ignorance and/or racist jokes at the source. For instance, how many times have I heard the classic comment, “Hey Torie, you’re black why can’t you dance?” Why is this a problem? If my racial identity can biologically determine superior physical abilities like dancing, by that same logic, my racial identity could also biologically pre-determine other attributes such as inferior intellectual ability. It doesn’t take long for one to realize the way in which this comment hinges on preconceived and inaccurate assumptions about black bodies that were the underpinning of Race Science throughout the 18th and 19th century. Jokes seem harmless, but they create the bedrock of inaccurate stereotypes and prejudicial beliefs which become actions. Language is powerful and the best thing you can do is not allow space for ignorance or racism in your everyday interactions, even at the expense of your likability in social groups.
5. Stop using the word “woke.” No one is ever fully awake, fully aware and fully arrived when it comes to knowing how to live and be in this broken world. We’re always learning, always improving. Don’t make this a race and don’t pretend there’s a destination where you can take a day off and say you’ve fully “seen the light.” The light is a constant pursuit. And we need humility not arrogance in the fight to get there.